Don't forget to join in on the month long celebration of horror with #ScaryMovieMonthAtDCM
Hmmmmmmmmm. Where does one begin with this movie? The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is the first film in a trilogy of grotesque films that have unfortunately risen to cult fame. You've probably heard of it before. Even people who aren't remotely interested in the genre of horror have heard of this movie before. Why? Because it's an infamously messed up movie. It's the movie even the least squeamish people watch and yes, they do cringe every now and again. I managed to avoid seeing this movie for a number of years now, but it seems my attempts to avoid it finally ended. Oh boy. Here we go.
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) has a strange plot to summarise. There's no real protagonist and there's not a detailed enough plot to last an entire paragraph. I guess our main two characters are Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie), two American tourists travelling throughout Europe. If films have taught us anything, it's that you should never travel Europe as bad things always seem to happen, and, obviously, bad things happen here. After popping a tire, they're forced to knock on the front doors of a surgeon named Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser), who just so happens to be a human-hating psychopath. He drugs them, ties them up in his basement and, um, that's when things get a little weird. He..... he kinda.... he does.... he starts to..... well, basically, he surgically connects three different people, stitching up one person's mouth to another person's ass. Yeah..... it's not a pleasant sight.
Okay, let's begin with the positives. It does in fact finish at one point. Yep, that's all the positives. Now for the negatives. The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is a film that tries oh-so-very hard to be a complete gore fest. It tries to make you uncomfortable, it tries to make you cover your eyes and it tries to hopefully get you to throw up. It fails at this. The film itself is rather unpleasant, the scene where everybody is surgically put together making me rather uncomfortable despite being very short, but the film isn't all that gory. Once you see this centipede in action for a few minutes, the effect slowly begins to wear off, until eventually it just becomes another forgettable element of the film.
We're treated to a solid hour of this creation and it's not at all fun. It's like last year's Tusk, but a whole lot worse. They try to escape, they try to fight back, they try to scream for help. Nothing works. They're forced to walk around like an animal, fetching newspapers and casually strolling around in circles, and then of course someone has to take a shit and we all know how that's going to go down. It's a dumb movie with absolutely no substance whatsoever and I can't say I'd recommend it, even for people just wanting a gory time. It's not worth it, gore junkies. It's not worth it.
Tom Six, the film's writer and director, clearly has no idea how you actually make a movie. He understands that there must be characters and there must be a camera to record these characters, but he's completely forgotten about character depth, decent dialogue, having a protagonist, getting your audience to care about this protagonist and just having a plot in general. The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is one of the worst things to ever happen to cinema. It's a 90 minute film that feels well over two hours and I couldn't have cared less about anything that was happening.
As soon as the first character opened their mouth and spoke, I wanted to turn the movie off. That's how bad the acting is. You don't know anything about these characters, not even their names. I didn't know anybody's names until I looked up the movie on IMDb. The performances are more cringe worthy than the imagery presented in this movie, and it doesn't help with you have dialogue as utterly mind numbing as "the Japanese possess unbelievable strength when backed into a corner!" It's line like this that made me thankful when they finally become the human centipede as they actually shut up.
To sum up, The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is quite the abomination of a film. It's stupid, it's plot-less, the performances are painful and the screenplay is mind numbing. This shouldn't even be called a film. That's an insult to every other film ever made.
0 1/2 Stars