Apologies for not getting around to doing any reviews lately as I've been sick since Saturday, but my review for 47 Ronin is better late then never. 47 Ronin follows the story of Kai, a man raised by demons who when he was a teenager lived with a group of samurai. After the death of their master the group are banished and are forced to go there separate ways. A year later they return to get vengeance on the people who banished them and killed their master. That's the plot of the film yet it's also half the movie.
The plot for the film, as I just hinted at, isn't really set up until halfway through the film. I'm not even exaggerating this fact as I was constantly checking my watch hoping this excruciatingly bad experience would come to a close. The first hour of the film features a bunch of scenes, half of which are completely irrelevant to anything, although none of them are setting up a goal or a problem needed to overcome. There's no real structure anywhere in the film. It's all pretty much just a jumbled mess. The samurai decide to avenge their master half way through the goddamn movie!!! It's infuriating to watch nothing occur yet it's just as infuriating to watch something happening!
If the movie is set in Ancient Japan then why is everyone in the film primarily using English? Why? Because it's an unrealistic movie. Yes there are dragons and witches and demons and weird bloody nose creatures that kill people then go to sleep, but that's not the point. All the events in the film without any hints of fantasy or the supernatural just wouldn't work. They're too dumb and completely oblivious to logic. A character can be dropped into a ten metre pit and just be absolutely fine.
None of the actors in the film are trying to act. I would be lying if I said that there was at lest one decent performance in this film. Not a single actor looks like they're in the film because they thought the film would be good. I can almost assure you everyone is in this film for the pay check. Nothing more, nothing less. Keanu Reeves used to be a great actor, but now he's become sloppy and dull. I LOVED him in the Matrix, but here he almost put me to sleep. Plus that bad witch lady gave the most atrocious Japanese accent I've seen in a very long time.
To sum up 47 Ronin is two hours of horrifically bad fake accents, acting and no logic. The first hour is a jumble of irrelevant scenes that doesn't set up the actual plot until an hour in, but once it does you'll already be sleeping.