Fantastic Four is about as generic as superhero movies come in terms of plot. Reed Richards (Miles Teller) is a high school genius who appears to have cracked inter dimensional travel in his shed, along with the help of his best friend Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell). They're approached by Doctor Storm (Reg R. Cathey), a scientist who offers Reed a chance to help out with the production of a machine that will allow them to travel to an alternate dimension. Reed accepts, patterning up with Doctor Storm's two children, Sue (Kate Mara) and Johnny (Michael B. Jordon), as well as an unpredictable scientist named Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell). They travel to this alternate dimension and things go awry, giving each of them superhuman abilities.
The film opens with an obligatory childhood sequence. While the sequence isn't necessarily awful, I was quite relieved when it was over. We soon catch up with Reed and Ben seven years later, and while you would think that this is the starting point of our story, it's really not. The film doesn't actually begin as poorly as you would expect. It's not great, but it's bearable. Then this opening sequence continues to go on... and on.... and on...... and on........ and on........ and it doesn't stop. I checked my watch one hour into this 100 minute movie and the Fantastic Four didn't even have their powers yet. ONE FUCKING HOUR INTO THE MOVIE!
Sue is given absolutely nothing to do in this movie, not even in the film's only fight scene, which I will get to eventually. She's there to stand around, look pretty, be the source of a bit of (failed) tension between Reed and Victor and then become a member of the Fantastic Four. She's the least developed character in the film, and that's a difficult title to hold as I don't think a single character in this movie receives any sort of development during its minuscule runtime. The only character that does develop is Doom, and his development is so sudden that I couldn't even give two shits about what was going on.
Because of how long the introduction to this movie takes, we only actually get to see Victor become Doctor Doom for a mere five to ten minutes, half of which involves him walking down a hallway randomly killing staff. There's literally one moment of action in this movie and it's the final fight, and the fight feels very rushed. The screenplay for this film still feels as if it's a first draft. The screenwriters were trying to get down all of their ideas and they started out promising, but soon realised they were running out of time and just scribbled down everything they wanted to do as fast as they could do it. It results in a short, underwhelming and completely rushed finale and doesn't even feel like a finale, yet is treated like one. When the film came to an end, the only words I managed to get out of my mouth was "that's it?" I stand by those words.
Once the so-called battle comes to an end, the film wraps things up really quickly. The final thirty minutes move so fast that it's almost a blur. It's the complete opposite to the first, slow burning and excruciatingly awful hour. And real quick, what's the deal with cutting sentences or triumphant actions off at the end of movies now? We got cut off from a Godzilla roar at the end of Godzilla, a T-Rex roar at the end of Jurassic World, a badass sentence at the end of Avengers: Age of Ultron, an initiation ceremony at the end of Pitch Perfect 2 and now something else I won't spoil at the end of Fantastic Four. It seems to be becoming a trend in big, blockbuster movies (plus Pitch Perfect 2) and I honestly have no idea why. It worked well for three of those and it worked painfully for two of them. You do the math. Or don't. I'll just tell you. It didn't work well for this and Pitch Perfect. There you go. You're welcome.
To sum up, the new Fantastic Four reboot delivers exactly what the super crappy older films did.... except this time around it's much, much worse. It's slow, painful and goes nowhere, leading up to an underwhelming finale with a poor excuse of a villain. I hate this movie so very much.