G.I. Joe: Retaliation follows the story of an advanced war unit, the G.I. Joes as they are continuing their battle against their mortal enemy, Cobra. After a surprise attack on their secret base only four Joes remain alive. Now the four are after vengeance as well as trying to save the world from being blown to smithereens by an impostor using advanced technology to disguise himself as the US president.
The dialogue in the film was absolutely cheesy. Hardly any of the dialogue in the film actually seemed natural. There were actually very few scenes with mildly decent dialogue. The film also tried to add in a few one liners here and there, but even these felt out of place. Cheesy one liners being out of place in an action film? That's unheard of! Well until you see this movie at least.
The film requires no thought process what so ever. There's two characters in the film that are in some kind of induced coma that shuts down every part in their body except their eyes and heart and even they could watch this film and understand everything that's happening. The film requires no thought whatsoever. It spells everything out to you. There's a line that says "We're getting rid of the Joes. And by that I mean we're going to kill them." I don't think that's 100% correctly quoted, but it's close enough. The line is just so off and unnecessary. We get what the guy meant in the first sentence, but he then continued to explain what me meant as if we were incredibly dumb. No thought process needed.
G.I. Joe: Retaliation was very predictable. There wasn't a single moment in the film where I began to doubt if the good guys would succeed. You can tell from watching the trailer that they would succeed. I'd say it's a spoiler that I'm talking about this, but did you seriously doubt that they wouldn't succeed. They never fail at anything once in the film. They always get out in the nick of time or come up with a genius idea on the spot that saves them from dying. It's inevitable.
The film is full of pointless loud noises and explosions. A couple of the action sequences were enjoyable, as I will point out in the next paragraph, but then there were others that were just loud and pointless. There are multiple scenes with loud noises and explosions and gun fights that are there literally just to stop you from being bored. Does it succeed with this? On the very odd occasion as I will mention now.
There were actually a few cool action sequences. I've really been hammering the film in my review so far, but there were a fair few action sequences that were awesome to watch. Yet again they didn't require you to use your brain and they didn't get your heart racing, but they were enjoyable to watch. There's one highlight of the film that takes place on a mountain where the Cobras and the Joes are swinging from ropes and attacking each other with swords and it's pretty damn awesome. The outcome was obvious, but it's fun to watch.
To sum up G.I. Joe: Retaliation isn't the worst film this year, but it's far from decent. The dialogue was cheesy, there's plenty of pointless action although there's the odd fun one and the film requires no thought what so ever.