By Jack Dignan
With Contributions by Chris Campo, Liam Alexander and Michael Leibert
Yesterday saw the release of my Top 15 Films of 2016, celebrating all the great movies that came out this year, and there was shockingly a lot more than expected. Today we do the opposite. Today we look at the 10 worst films of 2016. They’re the worst of the worst. They’re the most vile, repulsive, painful and awkward films I’ve had to sit through this year, and I’m trying desperately to forget that any of them exist. You can also catch the 10 Worst Films from the other Director’s Cut Movies writers at the end of the article, and I’m sure they’re trying to forget their films exist too.
If I’m being perfectly honest, looking back at the films of 2016, most of them received either 3 stars or 2.5 stars. I found a lot of the new releases to be incredibly average, so there weren’t as many obvious choices as I thought. I had to look back over at my reviews to make sure I had all the films I wanted to include. Even then, I have managed to successfully avoid seeing a lot of the absolute worst films of the year. There are some I simply don’t want to see, and some, such as Collateral Beauty, which don’t come out here till January.
Now, once again, let’s begin…
Dishonourable Mentions: The Girl On The Train, Red Dog: True Blue, Storks, Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates and Ben-Hur.
I’d also like to give a shout-out to the Point Break remake, as we got the film in January. It’s easily one of the worst films of 2016, although it’s technically a 2015 release and therefore can’t make my list.
I’ve been tossing and turning between which of these films I disliked more for quite some time now, and I simply cannot choose. Both are pure dogshit, but both have some mildly redeeming qualities. Not many, but definitely a couple. Ice Age: Collision Course is easily the worst Ice Age yet, utilizing lazy humour and a predictable plot. Then, on the other hand, The Huntsman: Winter’s War is just straight up one of the stupidest films of the year, wasting every cast member’s talent. Check out my review for The Huntsman here.
I managed to catch this one at the Sydney Film Festival, going into it reasonably excited. At the time, no trailer had been released, so I really wasn’t sure what to expect. One of our writers, Michael Leibert, had already seen the film over in America and he was raving about it. I really wanted to see this movie. And I nearly walked out. Goat is a horrendously bad film, working as more of an exploitation piece than a coherent story. The performances are okay, I guess, but the film as a whole is a generic, difficult to watch piece of trash that beats its messege over your head for its entire runtime. We get it… frat houses are bad. We don’t need to see two hours of teenage torture to understand your point.
Grimsby is straight up terrible. There’s no other way to put it. Sure, it’s a little bit better than Bruno, one of Sasha Baron Cohen’s earlier films, but that fact doesn’t make this film any more bearable. The humour is cheap and gross, relying on shock value to get laughs, yet most of the jokes aren’t shocking. There’s one shocking moment, and anyone who’s seen the film knows the scene I’m talking about, but man, that scene is going to scar me for life. It’s the stuff nightmares are made of. Check out my review here.
Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland is an okay movie. It’s not by any stretch of the imagination a really good movie, but it’s an okay one. It’s bearable. The follow-up, Alice Through The Looking Glass, is not. The plot is thin and nonsensical, the performances are lazy, the direction is uninspired, the visual effects are obvious and in your face, and the writing is just bad. Very bad. Johnny Depp needs to make more films like Black Mass, not more rubbish like this. Check out my review here.
When the first Now You See Me movie got released, I remember enjoying it for what it was. It wasn’t anything special, but I remember having fun with it. I haven’t seen it since, and since watching Now You See Me 2, I’ve started to have doubts about whether or not that first film was actually good, as the follow-up is all sorts of bad. The magic tricks are illogical and lack enjoyment, the plot so full of twists that it becomes impossible to follow, and the ending tries to set up the third movie but just makes no sense whatsoever. Please please please don’t let the third movie be made. Check out my review here.
Fuck me, this was horrible. The day I saw this film, I interviewed Quentin Tarantino. It was, as would be expected, one of the coolest days of my entire life. I then came home, watched the interview, screamed a little bit (okay, a lot), then headed on down to see The 5th Wave opening night at my local theatre. I just had to go and ruin the day, didn’t I? It’s been a year of underwhelming young adult book adaptations, and this one sadly isn’t even the worst one. Check out my review here.
I’ve managed to push this film so far back in my memory that I actually forgot it came out this year. I’ve tried so hard to forget it, that the memory feels distant. And I wish it were. Dirty Grandpa is oh so very bad; wasting its extremely talented cast with a script so juvenile and unfunny it’s painful to sit through. Has Robert DeNiro’s career really gone so far downhill that he’s had to resort to doing films such as this one? Check out my review here.
After being pushed back multiple times and then shelved for the foreseeable future, Masterminds finally got released this year, and it wasn’t worth the wait. Not even the studio had any faith in this film, sending out free tickets to go see it instead of holding a screening for all the critics. I did end up using those tickets, and I’m certainly glad they were free. This film doesn’t deserve your money. This film doesn’t even deserve your attention. It’s very, very bad indeed. Check out my review here.
Oh, man. Man oh man oh man. Bad Santa 2. Did I have to watch this movie? No. So why did I watch this movie? I… I don’t know, but I definitely regret it. This film enraged nearly every component of my body, and while I usually write shorter reviews for a lot of comedy movies, my review for Bad Santa 2 was extra long. All my rage had built up and exploded onto the paper, and I tore this film to shreds. It’s honest to god so bad that they weren’t even able to get the title card right. The ‘2’ comes in a little too late and it just made me uncomfortable for the remainder of the movie, unsure of how to feel. Check out my review here.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Why? How? No, no. This was… wow. Yup. This was something. The Divergent series has been a franchise steadily declining in quality, and Allegiant is the worst one yet, easily claiming the title of worst film of 2016. The film was originally meant to be part 1 of 2 of the final installment, but it seems that second part may not be going ahead after all. The sequel was removed from cinemas, planned to be a TV release, which is just hilarious, but since then, things haven’t been looking good for it. The project seems to have died, and I really do hope so. Allegiant is unbearably awful, and I’m still in shock that a film this bad got released this year. Check out my review here.
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